Letting go.

So I've been going through a lot of stuff these days, mostly just learning to lean on the Lord. If I'm being really honest, I've failed miserably. So many times I doubt that the Lord has my life and all the things I'm dealing with in His hands. Why? Why do we doubt? The Lord has proven Himself faithful to me so many times...so why can't I just step out of the boat and trust Him? Well, I've given this a lot of thought...and honestly I think it's because (at least in my case) when I sit down and ask myself the question "Is Jesus worth this to me?" (from the book Radical by David Platt) I tell myself that I would rather have this thing than God's best plan for my life. I would rather take this under my own control and know what's going to happen rather than trust that God will reveal His perfect will to me in His perfect timing even if that means laying in bed at night confused, or walking blindly because all I can do is live one day at a time. How ridiculous does that sound?! If you seriously sit down and think about it......I am choosing to take control of something when all I can see is today. All I see are my feelings. All I see is the discomfort. All I see is laying down something that I so desperately want. I'm deciding today that I'm giving it to the one who sees all. The one who places desires in my heart. The one who is always faithful. The one who is love (not the one who loves...he IS love!!). The one who is perfect in all He does. Doesn't it make so much more sense to give every piece of our lives to Him? We sing songs and tell the Lord all the time, "God you have my heart, you have every piece of my life" but is it true? Does He really have every part of your heart. Have you given Him the things you hold most dear to your heart? Have you given Him the things you want to control? If we looked deeply into our hearts and truly examined our lives, I think we would see so many things that we say He is in control of, but honestly...we still hold on.

My challenge for you: Let go.

Just a little something that has been a blessing to me in this place in my life...

"Waiting: Steadfastness, that is holding on; Patience, that is holding back; Expectancy, that is holding the face up; Obedience, that is holding one's self in readiness to go or do; Listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear. How long Lord must I wait? Never mind, child. Trust Me."

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holiness.

Well, this is a tough blog to start. I went to a conference this week with my church, and really went with the thought that I'm going as a leader and I'm here to pour into the students' lives, but God had a very different plan for me. I won't go through my week day by day, but instead want to just explain what God is changing in my life. I feel a strong call to a place of holiness in my life. Farther than I've ever been, more dependent than I've ever been and definitely more broken than I've ever been. I feel like a lot of the standards and things I've set up on my own were done out of obligation more than a desire to be holy as Christ has called us. "As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all of your conduct, since it is written, 'You shall be holy, for I am holy'". 1 Peter 1:15. What a calling to the body of Christ. How often do we look at the things we do and ask ourselves, is this glorifying Christ or satisfying a selfish desire, because I have a feeling that if we did, we would be scared to look at our lives. I know that what God showed me about my own life made me cry harder than I ever have. It made me see the disobedience in my life, notice I didn't say ignorance, but disobedience. I knew it was not glorifying Christ yet, I allowed so many things to be a part of my life because I was disobedient. I was talking to someone this weekend who encouraged me to look at everything in my life like this, even if you're not convicted about something, shouldn't you still ask yourself, Does this glorify Christ? Can this be related to Jesus? If not, should I really be doing it? I've said it before and I have to keep reminding myself, my purpose on this earth is simply to glorify Christ. No more, no less.

I'm in a state of complete brokenness and it has caused me to question God, not because I don't know that He has everything under control but because I'm human and I am asking my dad as his daughter, why God? Why am I hurting so badly? When does the pain of being broken cease? When will my heart stop hurting? And He keeps reassuring me to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding...Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil...my son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves" Proverbs 3:5, 7, 11-12.

Anyways, this is the hardest blog I've written because my feelings are so beyond what my words can express, hopefully this shed some light on some things going on in my life, but I will end with the fact that even though the brokenness is painful, I'm so joyful and excited to see what God has for me. What a beautiful thing to feel his presence in pain...and how much stronger we feel Him in pain...I haven't gone one second the last two days without feeling him.

Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind. C.S. Lewis

God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. C.S. Lewis

lauren.

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strength.

So if you follow both of my blogs, you would have already read that I just took on a second job. If you didn't know that, you haven't read my other blog, so go read it...then hurry back here and read this one lol. Ultimately, this means that I will be working from 6:30 a.m. until 5:00 p.m. When I realized this last night, I had a moment of panic and thought to myself, "Well God, why didn't you just give me this job before I took on the nannying job?" I began to doubt whether or not I would be able to handle this.

Well I just graduate from Evangel with my degree in Education. As some of my CLOSE friends know, during the middle/end of my senior year, I began to doubt my major and the calling that God had on my life (not a good time to doubt that). I really think I began to doubt my ability to juggle the lesson plans, teaching, discipline, grading papers, my social life etc. but I think because God knew that I was scared of this and scared of my future, he gave me both of these jobs to prepare me for what's to come. I honestly believe that through these two jobs, God is telling me,
"Lauren, I know you're worried and when you feel like you can't do this anymore, when you feel like your strength isn't enough...you're probably right. On your own, it is a lot to take on, but don't you see yet that I am your ever faithful Father? I will never leave you and in your time of struggle and weakness my strength will be made perfect in your life. So cast these fears on me and let me show you what it means to depend on me because I have you right where I want you, in the middle of my perfect plan for your life. You're here because every great leader has to be brought through the desert where they feel like they can't go any further because that is when you will begin to develop faith, trust, and dependency on your Father and this is where I will develop your character into the woman I created you to be."

So through this summer, I know I'll be tired and I know I'll feel overwhelmed at times, but I also know that I will grow so close to my Jesus that his presence will be all that I long for because I will need his presence daily to be sustained.

Next time you feel overwhelmed, remember the strength of the Father. The same God that parted the Red Sea, tore down the walls of Jericho, delivered Job from his suffering and the same God that overcame death. Trust in the strength that He gives.
lauren.

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Faithful Father.

So this post is related to my newest post on my other blog, but I want to go in to the spiritual side of my new job. So I've been talking to my mom a lot about trusting the Lord with His plan for my life (as a recent college graduate, this is a lesson I'm just going to have to learn). I've been pretty actively job hunting since I've been home from school which has been almost a month and I started to get really doubtful. Whenever my mom and I would talk about it, she would always say, "Lauren, God sees the big picture, from beginning to end. You'll find the job He wants for you when He wants you to find it. We're just a small thread woven into the big fabric of time to eventually create this beautiful picture." Wow. How true is that?

²⁸And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, ²⁹yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.³⁰But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' Matthew 6:28-31

²⁵And they went and woke him, saying, "Save us, Lord; we are perishing." ²⁶And he said to them, "Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?" Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. Matthew 8: 25-26

³⁰But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." ³¹Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" Matthew 14:30-31

⁷And they began discussing it among themselves, saying, "We brought no bread." ⁸But Jesus, aware of this, said, "O you of little faith, why are you discussing among yourselves the fact that you have no bread? ⁹ Do you not yet perceive? Do you not remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many baskets you gathered? Matthew 16:7-9

These are 4 instances where Jesus said to his disciples, "O you of little faith". How many times has the Lord had to say to you, "O you of little faith"? I know He's said it to me many times. I think sometimes we think we're the star of the show that this world revolves around us. Could we be any further from the truth? My life, your life, everyday, everything in existence is all for the glory of God! I'm here to bring God glory in all that I do. So, yes it may have taken me a month to find a job but I know that God has put me with this family for a reason. Maybe they need to see the love of the Lord, or maybe they'll impact me in a way that only they could. I don't know, but this is where God wants me in the big picture. I'm so thankful that my God isn't about the temporary. He's always about the eternal! Praise the Lord that I don't understand His ways or His timing, because then, I would be God and He would receive no glory. Anyways, I don't know if this made sense or not, but I just love that I get to see God's hand move in my life everyday. Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness to your children.

lauren.

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honor your father and mother.

This will probably be a pretty short entry, but if you follow my other blog, you know I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday. Since I was so scared I took my trusty iPod with me to keep me removed from reality. I listened to one of my favorite speakers, Alistair Begg. I was listening to him speak on the role of the family. He talked about the role of the father and mother in the family but when he started to talk about the role of the children, it peaked my interest. I don't think that children understand the call that we have to honor our parents. It was something that in the old testament was punishable by death. Seems pretty intense...and while the punishment has obviously changed, the way God views this role is no less serious. Even in the New Testament, children are given this commandment: "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." Colossians 3:20. Even though I'm 22 years old, graduated from college and will soon be living on my own, I am still my parents' child and still owe them obedience and respect. While my relationship with my parents will begin to change, my calling as their child remains the same, to honor and respect them always as commanded by God. Think about this verse the next time you disagree with your parents or when you get in an argument at home.

lauren.

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my creator.

I never thought I would give in to the blogging fad, but here I am. I feel that this is a total God thing and that the reason I have this blog up is to walk in faith because I know that this summer, God will teach me so much and instill so much wisdom in me, that my heart will be aching to share my experiences.

So this blog is dedicated to ONLY the things that the Lord is revealing to me and to the things God is teaching me. Hopefully this blog will not only be a good way for me to record God's goodness and faithfulness, but will also be a way for me to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ to pursue a passionate, intimate, targeted pursuit of their Savior.

The reason I chose green as the color of my blog is two fold. The first reason being, it is my favorite color. The second reason, is why it's my favorite color. Green never fails to remind me of God's faithfulness and his desire to have an intimate relationship with me. It reminds me of God's grace that he reveals himself and his character to man in every aspect of creation. It reminds me of the hope he brings of new life with both the cry of a newborn child and the cries of the sinner experiencing His redeeming love.

I recently had a discussion with a close friend of mine and we got to talking about how evident God has made himself and how everything on this earth points to a magnificent creator. I love that there are moments when I know God allows me to see things in creation just to praise Him and bring Him glory. There have been times when I've watched a sunset in my car all by myself and just cried because it makes me fall in love all over again with my beautiful Jesus. Next time you're outside walking into a store, walking to your car, walking around the block, for whatever the reason may be, look at God's beautiful creation and see what He shows you.

lauren.

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